LOOOOONG POST. you can choose to leave it or not to. =) *lovelove!*

wow. today's cell was awesome. really.

i did something that i can never imagine i would do. will elaborate on that later. anyway cell was good cause the behind part? Ernie and Jac both did the song thing. and yea many of us broke down. i mean i got to lower my pride at least to apologise for something. hmm. and tab did it too! so proud of her! *pats pats*

and yea about the end, i just felt really horrible. i felt so disgusted by the way i was feeling, by what i did to her. i decided that i should stop all that. SO. i've decided to like stop bitching about her. but old habits die hard. so give me some time to change. cause you know i feel utterly horrible about all this. since last year's camp till now.

hmm now, if you all are like wondering about what's my point and all? well ok, i'll be honest. this entire year, i've been quite pissed off at myself for acting so nice infront of her, but bitching behind her back. cause of my complaints and all. and it would not be so bad if she was equally mean to me, or that i wasn't acting nice to her at all. but the point is that i behaved as if i was the no. 1 bestest person on earth. but behind her i was just complaining away.

and yea, im a proud person, i never took a step back to see how much i've hurt her (if she knew what i did -almost everyday) i just happily went on with my business to complain and complain. but yea, today when we knelt down before our Lord. i realised, that maybe i've gone overboard. she tried to be nice to me. but was i nice to her? HELL NO. ok maybe, infront of her. but behind her? i was against her. gosh. i feel like such a backstabber already. ok no, i am one already.

so obviously i sat there and thought and thought, the more i think, the worse i felt. and we were given a good 30mins to think about all the hurt in our lives. to others it was the way people treated them. but to me? it was guilt. plain guilt. i don't want to sound so noble here to say that, oh i want to have a clear conscience and all. but thats not the point. it's cause i felt SO BAD. SO SO BAD. everytime i say something bad about her, i feel so bad. but ironically i can happily go on and complain.

ok i shall stop rambling. and get on with it. so yep. after the entire thing. tab and me got to a conclusion that we should apologise. so i started! (yay*) i was like : i want to apologise to seraphina, cause although she doesn't know it, i've been like ''complaining'' behind her back time and time again, and i feel this huge sense of guilt in me. and i should let her know. so yep, sorry phina. i haven't been that good friend whom you have been so nice to so far. =(

honest. im sorry, and i'll try to cut down on that complaints, and hence stop. yep.

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HAHAHA. got it all out. know how much better i feel????? like SO MUCH better. =)

oh! tab apologised to naz too! it was funny. hahahaahahha.

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on a lighter note. marill is watching i not stupid with me on friday!!! for $6 if i got it right! :D yay. although she watched it already. thanks babe!

AND IRENE IS GETTING MARRIED!!!! and im invited. haha. btw. irene was my colleague back in chocolate box. and she's getting married!! she'll be the first friend i have whose getting married. =)

now what should i get for her?

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oh my dad's flying off to china tomorrow. =(
dang irritating.

thats all.

speedlight today, was awesome too!! loves*

call upon the name of The Lord, and be saved,
call upon the name of The Lord, and be saved.
i'll never know how much it cost, to see my sin upon that cross.